Leo New Moon

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence actually liberates others. " - Marianne Williamson

Nail bite moon
sharp as scissors
arced and silvered
in the sky

solitary figure
in the landscape
new moon magic
one star shines

darkness cut
sliver of light
all nights horses
galloping by

Image and words - Susannah Bec

Behind the Portrait - 12th House

I often write things for another purpose (in this case a writing prompt) and then look at it through astrological eyes and see its symbolism. . .

Upon the plain walls of my life,
there hangs a portrait. It is a good likeness.

And behind it, set into the discoloured patch
on the wall. Is a blank space.

And set within that blank space, is a secret safe.
Where I, have locked myself away.

And no one, would even begin to suspect,
that the portrait may not be me.

And that I, may be hidden behind it.
Sitting quietly alone, inside the safe.

In this, I saw the portrait as being all that is on show, the ascendant and our highly visible planets. While behind the portrait, the 12th house planets (in my case the mars and moon) are locked away. Also as my 4th house contains my Sun, I am often not immediately 'seen'.

Do you identify with this? Are some parts of you more noticeable, more easily recognised? Or is your portrait an accurate enough representation?

Image and words - Susannah Bec.

S O L U T I O

The constant drip, drip, drip,
slowly dissolved the rock of me.
Diluting my essence homeopathically
until I swam, one part me, a thousand water.

Sweat, saliva, tears, still aware, still me, still there.


Sun, burned light, ferocious and questing,
lit the miasma I had become,
not content with my fluid end, it condensed,
evaporated the amniotic sea,
wanting to understand dissolution
its probing light sought what was left,
when shape and structure were removed.

Would the I of my identity survive intact?


The water vapour of me rose in the heat,
steaming spirals, swirling ever upward
dross gone, I had been reduced
to the very nugget of me,
distilled and potent.

Recalled to life.


Image and Words Susannah Bec

Recommended reading about the Alchemical Symbolism in the horoscope
Dynamic of the Unconscious - Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas

Chiron Returning Yet Again.

"Some stories are true that never happened." - Elie Weisel

We all carry a wound.
Some carry many.
Healed or still raw,
they are our soft spots.
We shield those places,
that are delicate, fragile.
We build walls around them
to protect them, and prevent
them from being knocked.
For although old wounds
mend and leave their scars,
Sometimes just the tiniest touch,
can open them up again.
And all the pain,
can come flooding back.
As if it had never been gone.



Transiting Sun and Chiron on my Natal Chiron (0 Pisces).

See my other entries written when my Natal Chiron was being transited.

Image and words - Susannah Bec.

Another New Moon

"New fields of Divine activity now open for me
and these fields are white with harvest."
- Florence Scovel Shinn

Tonight

a new moon

will slit the sky

with its tiny crescent,

cutting the black

with a pale glow

as it begins

its journey

to transform

from delicate sliver

to full round light.

But today

the air is still,

the land

waiting,

the cycle

has not yet

begun.


"The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected." - Robert Frost

Taken from my blog My Name is Zing
Where moments like these are captured

Out of that windspun night . . .

The hero journey is inside of you;
tear off the veils and open the mystery
of your self. - Joseph Campbell

"Sometimes you need to define what it is for you
- what is the purpose of this wild and crazy life,
where is your place in the scheme of things.

Will you plod steady down the centre path of your life,
or skirt the edges, dancing with shadows,
listening to the music that is yours alone to hear.

Will you sparkle and shine and burn with passing passions,
reflecting the lights of the peripheral and almost unseen.

Or do you want to sink roots deep into the black earth and remain
steady, growing branches, sprouting leaves, reaching for the sky.

Do you run, do you walk, or do you sit and wait for the
sparkling moments to blow through your hair."

Out of that windspun night, from those galloping hills,
spangled with your precious stars

you come on heels of burning fire
you come with eyes full of desire

the raging sun burns in you
the gentle rains flow in you

No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself. - Thomas Man

How could I have been anyone other than me? - Dave Matthews

"I'll walk where my own nature would be leading:
It vexes me to choose another guide." - Emily Bronte

Images and words - Susannah Bec 2010

Darkness Illuminated

As subconscious becomes conscious
great energy is released
and transformation occurs.

Image - copyright Susannah Bec 2010


Twelfth house

subterranean

dungeon of

things that seethe

and ferment.


It is a big place

intercepted and

home to mars

its ruler

and his anger

and the moon

and her vast ocean

the place is awash

with emotion.


I had no access

that room was locked

camouflaged to my

conscious mind

revealing itself

surreptitiously.


Repressed

and disowned

its infantile

energy

grew.


Then you came

with your venus

perched on

my moons

exact degree


and your mars

conjuncting

mine

(exact again)


and through

you

I could see

what I hadn't

before


and

I entered

that place

I could not see

and the

volcano

erupted

and

my world

fell

apart



and it

swept

away the

locked doors

and what was

subconscious

finally

became

conscious.

"When consciousness draws near to the unconscious,
not only does it receive a devastating shock but something
of its light penetrates into the darkness of the unconscious.
The result is that the unconscious is no longer so remote
and strange and terrifying, and this paves the way for an
eventual union....What happens is that its contents cross
over into consciousness more easily than before."
- Carl Jung, Mysterium Coniunctionis

Image and Words: Susannah Bec

Transit to Chiron

Lately, I have been unsettled by the shadows
those fleeting glimpses at the periphery of my vision
for there seem to be ghosts living in the corner of my eye...

Copyright - Susannah Bec 2010

,

Individuality - Sun conjunct Uranus

"Revolutions begin with the self, in the self" - Toni Cade


S u n C o n j u n c t U r a n u s

I think that with Uranus conjunct the Sun it automatically makes you hard wired with a kind of high voltage electrical energy. With a charged nervous system, stress easily effects these people and they are prone to being highly strung especially when the Sun is in Fire or Air.

They are strongly individualistic and have a highly developed sense of self and if you push these people...they will push back. They resist moulds and are not afraid to be seen as different and to stand up for what they believe. They have original minds and can easily think 'out of the box' and have an uncanny ability to pluck thoughts and inspiration out of thin air.

They can have trouble with physical co-ordination and as children they can find it difficult to catch a ball, for instance. They also may experience phases when they have trouble going to sleep or find them selves waking suddenly.

They relish being individuals and have no particular need to 'fit in' with the crowd - feeling their 'differentness' to be an asset rather than a fault.

"To me, the whole process of being a brushstroke in
someone else’s painting is a little difficult." - Madonna

I N D I V I D U A L

She was never one for pastels, her colours were bold
too volatile to have ever been considered demure
she screamed when others merely whispered
it was not her intention to offend, it was just her way

August bought forth a fiercely individual spirit
she couldn't, wouldn't, dull her shine for anyone
her voltage was high, she contained the electricity
but you could still hear it, popping and crackling

Under the shiny surface a golden heart was beating
as it pumped the ruby red lifeblood through her veins
Dancing flames licked around her head, a fiery halo
while all around her ankles the angry ocean roared

- Susannah Bec 2010

These are three verses of a recent poem... for the rest of the poem please visit my poetry blog - Out of My Ocean

---

Image and words Susannah Bec.

Pisces Full Moon - Time For Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is a rebirth of hope, a reorganization of thought,
and a reconstruction of dreams. Once forgiving begins, dreams can be rebuilt.
When forgiving is complete, meaning has been extracted from the worst of
experiences and used to create a new set of moral rules and a new
interpretation of life’s events." - Beverly Flanigan

I opened the door and there you were
Just as I had left you so long ago

The frozen moment immortalised
still replaying. . . over and over

But, now I am here again
to tell you I am sorry

to ask you to
forgive
me

*

This Pisces full Moon conjuncts Chiron (and falls on my natal Chiron).

Image and words by Susannah Bec.

Astrology - The Sun's Gotta Shine!

"The chart ruler can give us information about what life will require of us and, in combination with the Ascendant itself, may describe the kinds of situation the hero will meet on his journey. But the Sun ruler is our presiding deity; and the hero and his prize are ultimately the same thing. We can view the Sun sign from the perspective of what role we are called upon to play in life, and what unique contribution we can make by finding an individual channel for this archetypal energy." - Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas - The Luminaries.

FIND YOUR OWN WAY TO SHINE

"Losing yourself in your creation, the universe speaks with you."

- Valerie Kent

"You are one of the forces of nature." - Jules Michelet

I think I swallowed the sun today
one gulp and it had gone
burning . . .fiery
all the way down
to my belly
and there
it sits
shining

*

"Those who have the light in themselves will not revolve like satellites"

- Seneca

We need to find a way to allow our own Sun to shine, it is the light giving planet in our personal solar system, our ball of energy, our dynamo. We need to honour its needs, even in the face of sometimes contradictory urges within us. We must find a way to channel it's unique expression by sign, house and aspect - we must support our hero on its quest. . .
Sun in Leo - one of the popular misconceptions is that they need outward attention and drama, but once a Leo learns that its best and brightest creation is always themself - once they have swallowed the Sun - no other audience is needed.

Also see this post - Expressing your Sun

Image: hand painted Sun and Words by Susannah Bec
For more of my poetry please visit - Out of My Ocean

Taurus - New Moon - Mercury Direct

It has been left unseeded
for a season or more.
Uncultivated - Inactive.
Vast potential
forgotten
in the fallow ground.

Motion stirs the quiet field.

Under the surface,
it is fertile and ready.
Potent and willing,
awaiting the warmth
and sunlight
of my attention.

I can feel quiet rumblings
as something deep within
begins to surface.

*

Image and Words - Susannah Bec
For more Poetry please visit Out of My Ocean

Earth Day 2010

C E L E B R A T E

"When we touch this domain, we are filled with the cosmic force of life itself, we sink our roots deep into the black soil and draw power and being up into ourselves.

We know the energy of the numen and are saturated with power and being. We feel grounded, centered, in touch with the ancient and eternal rhythms of life.

Power and passion well up like an artesian spring and creativity dances in celebration of life."

- David N. Elkins

E A R T H - D A Y

"Evening Sun riding low in the sky rounds the corner of the building and abruptly streams into my room where seconds ago it was almost twilight. I am dazzled by the light and then by the realization that it is the rotation of this, our planet Earth, that caused this sudden illumination where moments before there was none." - SB

C E L E B R A T E - L I F E - I T S E L F

I walked for miles to find the tree
whose roots began inside of me

the earth, the moon, the stars, the sun
the roots, the branches all are one

I walked for miles to find the tree
who roots began inside of me

Happy Earth Day !

Photo taken in my garden

Moon in Aspect To Neptune

"All children are sensitive to their mothers, but those with Moon in aspect to Neptune are uncannily attuned to her. They don't even have to be in the same room and yet they feel what the Mother is going through. If the Mother has pain, the Moon - Neptune child experiences that pain as if it were his or her own. Sometimes they may even feel responsible for the Mothers pain - as if they had caused it. In short, Moon - Neptune aspects give a problem with boundaries. Those with these placements don't know where they end and others begin."
- Howard Sasportas - The Development of the Personality.

There are moments
where I feel that I have
tapped into something bigger
something more than just my personal feelings

As though at the bottom of my own emotions exists a door

I swim right down to the bottom of my psyche
down into the universal ocean of emotion
that is surging beneath.

Everything ever felt
exists here

and it pours through me
I am its conduit
aware and
empty
I feel
it all

*

Painting: Moon-Neptune (and words) by Susannah Bec
For more poetry visit - Out of My Ocean

The Feeling of Spring and its Effect on my Taurus Moon

“There are beautiful and wild forces within us.” - St Francis of Assisi

Driving through the country roads I see fields and fields of newly ploughed earth - rich dark and fertile - I feel the spring time energy - the thrusting potential of a another new cycle of creation about to begin . . .

EARTH
Red brown earth, newly ploughed,
fertile and ready for growth.
Touches my Taurus moon.
Calls for my naked body.
Rolls me in its rich soil.
I feel the season.
Springtime energy
infuses me
patient,
as the sunwarmed life
springs forth.
Singing to me,
of days to come.
Dreaming
of the harvest.

*
"In today already walks tomorrow." - Friedrich von Schiller

Image and words - Susannah Bec.

Glimpses of Neptune

"I see myself as a sieve. Everyone's feelings flow through me." - Liv Ullman.

"I'm familiar with formlessness, with things that never end.
Boundaries, that don't exist. Realities that bend."

I lose myself - I slip under doors - through cracks - I have no container.

*

She sang her own song

no one elses would do.

She saw through walls

and conversations

and the look in peoples eyes.

Everything was stark

Uncovered

Understood

*

Me - Neptune opposite 12th house Moon.
Words & Image - Susannah Bec.

Musings on Chiron

I have been thinking about Chiron lately, as transiting Jupiter has just moved into conjunction with my natal Chiron at 0 degrees Pisces.

Observation: As it was approaching, I felt a pressing of my 'soft spot' while empathising with a dear friend who had suffered a loss, within moments my almost forgotton wound opened up before me, fresh and raw. . .

I am paper thin

the fragile membrane

protecting my wound

a sham

a trick of the eye

*

a raw spot

a gossamer wing

an eggshell

the truth

disguised

*

facade in place

the parade

continues

*

Shedding Your Skin

"Some days demand retreat, they scream go back inside, close the door and turn out the light. Cover your head with a blanket, curl up in a ball, dark and silent. Nothing but the sound of your breath, in and out, in and out. Block out marauding thought. Wait patiently until your skin grows back."

*

Shedding your Skin taken from - My Name is Zing
Image & Poem - Chiron - by SB - 2010.
For more poetry check out - Out of My Ocean

Notes: I recently read Joyce Masons article at Zane Steins Chiron Site - link and explored her idea of aspects to chiron and the path of least resistance. I could really identify with that when applied to my own chart and it set me off on another avenue of exploration. Thanks Joyce.

Mars Retrograde - Processing - Composting - Growing.

Vibrating in my throat, the feeling sits, a coiled snake
- a reptile that my mind has spawned.

Yellow and black
foreward and back
its red eyes dart
. . . over my ammunition
. . . in this war of attrition

It wants control of my tongue, it needs my words

to vocalise its hiss and rattle
to bear its venom into battle
it tastes the air
. . . sensing with dissatisfaction
. . . my characteristic lack of action

We wait.

I swallow and gulp and down it goes
eating it and its imaginary foes
it wriggles and writhes
. . . knowing I have found a cure
. . . tomorrow it will be manure

Knotted in my stomach, my digestion begins.

determined I will not be distracted
as all the nutrients are extracted
it softens and starts to dissolve
. . . slithering down with grunts and growls
. . . it enters the dark cave of my bowels

Its power is lost, it has been re absorbed

a dire situation has been elevated
the mind has lost what it created
I am retaining the power
. . . the waste is now expelled as shit
. . . to fertilise what I plant in it

Processing - Composting - Growing.

Also posted on Out of My Ocean as Processing - Composting - Growing.
Me - Mars /Asc in Gemini - Mercury, Sun/Uranus in Leo - Moon in Taurus.
Image -"What the F***" - SB.

Venus Conjunct Pluto - Dealing With Darkness

I just wrote this this morning and posted in on my blog Out Of My Ocean
I thought I would post it here too. . .

Dealing With Darkness

Peripheral vision glimpsing the darkness that lurks in unused corners. The shadows stalking my footsteps. Wrapped blackness creeps. The amorphous night seeps in through a crack. Tangible darkness billowing like smoke. It follows my breath.

Fear rises to greet this ancient comrade, emotion hooked into an age old dance. They move together as mutual passion is fueled. Darkness feeding fear, fear feeding darkness. Locked in a lovers embrace they writhe, energy quickening, they are lost in each other.

Eyes open I stare into the blackness, caught up in the passion of the moment. The energy creating vortexes, whirlpools. Nothing solid in this world of night. I pull my energy out of the fray. Anchor strong and steady I close my eyes, reach for the light inside and flick the switch.

Venus conjunct Pluto - Moon and Mars 12th House.

Hide and Seek - 12th House

I think I know how all this started,
when I was young
I played hide and seek,
and to the best of my recollection,
...nobody ever found me.

(12th house Moon opp Neptune
both square Mercury on I.C.)

This was written long, long ago before I had even seen my birthchart! ;-)